July 15, 2021 — Thursday

i woke up in the middle of the night. darkness anxiety. legs aching. had thought impulse read watch. i didn’t. i lay there. didn’t resist non-sleepiness. go to the feeling and accept it. sit with it.

what pulls pushes anchors you. what centers you. inspires you. what motivates you. what frightens you. what liberates you. what or who. more push than pull. or only thinking that.

what do i want need. have to give away. performance and being. send something to somebody out of the blue. do they get it. receive it or acknowledge it. received but not acknowledged.

there is going to be a time of it and maybe war. be calm and peaceful and alert. fluid quick and watch yourself. your blocks. where you dig your heels into.

the beauty of an error.

everything is everyone is everything again. all moving. there is pulling pushing standing idle. flow of your go going. not body/mind really. discrete. hands feet arms legs torso hips. breathing. attention. dreaming. what goes on its own.

zen is the body without organs.